A new family tradition?

This year we decided that there really aren't many things that we really NEED. In view of that fact we are limiting our spending to far below what we have spent on Christmas in the past. The kids are spending $5-10 on each other and we are spending around $30 on each person. Our large gifts to each other will work this way: the boys will pick anitem out of the World Vision catalog to "give" to the girls and the girls will do the same for the boys.

I have to admidt that I had my doubts, I like getting and giving gifts! But I am finding that my excitement about Christmas has not lessened, it remains the same. I also get excited thinking about using the money to help people who REALLY need it! The kids are totally excited about it and have both picked out simple items, but ones that I have no doubt will be loved!

We are hoping that this will become a tradition that our kids can pass on to their kids, the tradition of giving to those in need because that is who Jesus came for! We will be praying that the gifts we give will express the love of our Lord.

The real meaning of Christmas is not the giving and receiving of presents, but remembering the gift we have already received!! May we remember!!!

A new family tradition?

This year we decided that there really aren't many things that we really NEED. In view of that fact we are limiting our spending to far below what we have spent on Christmas in the past. The kids are spending $5-10 on each other and we are spending around $30 on each person. Our large gifts to each other will work this way: the boys will pick anitem out of the World Vision catalog to "give" to the girls and the girls will do the same for the boys.

I have to admidt that I had my doubts, I like getting and giving gifts! But I am finding that my excitement about Christmas has not lessened, it remains the same. I also get excited thinking about using the money to help people who REALLY need it! The kids are totally excited about it and have both picked out simple items, but ones that I have no doubt will be loved!

We are hoping that this will become a tradition that our kids can pass on to their kids, the tradition of giving to those in need because that is who Jesus came for! We will be praying that the gifts we give will express the love of our Lord.

The real meaning of Christmas is not the giving and receiving of presents, but remembering the gift we have already received!! May we remember!!!

The tough stuff

Seems to me that most of us have no desire to work through the tough parts of life. I am no different, I have no desire to work through tough stuff; however I do know that when I do there are great rewards on the other side. We sometimes feel like when something happens that is hard to deal withan that God is punishing us or is unhappy with us. I have found this to be not true! Often I have found that God grows me through these times. I become a healthier, better person through the experiences in my life.

I do not seek these experiences, but I am learning to accept them. I am also finding that my process of letting go of these things and trusting God is a huge aspect of my spiritual journey. The straight and narrow as it is called I feel is more of the obedient and narrow.

God and I have been talking about the process of following. My western culture has embedded the idea of the shortest distance between two points always being the best. We serve a God who is outside of that. Seems to me that He keeps telling me that the shortedt distance between me and Him is simply obedience.

Last night we had a meeting at 6, around4:45 I felt a strong sense that I needed to go and spend the time up to the meeting in prayer. I did. The meeting went well, but at the end all I know is that I was obedient and because of that I felt a sense of joy and that God was pleased with my obedience.

I am doing my best to live a life of quick obedience, not perfect but my best. I once heard that "slow obedience is no obedience". I believe that this is true for adults as much as it is for kids!! May we be quick to be obedient, and slow to forget our need for being obedient!!

Restless

So, as I am getting our spiritual retreat ready I am finding that it becomes more and more difficult to be spiritual. Maybe you have found this too. I find the enemy attacking more often and more frequently as the event approaches.

I am also finding that as I prepare to speak about not being so busy, my pace of life is increasing. Making time for God is never something that just happens, it takes intentionality. Wish I was being more intention right now!! The positive side is that atleast I am aware of it now.

So how's your life? How busy are you? Do you do better than I do at making that time?

Guilt has no place in this discussion though. We are to be in a state of progression. God looks at our hearts, and to me that is a relief. I am not perfect, but I try my best to be better than I was!

Expanding horizons...

I had the opportunity this weekend to be a spiritual advisor for an activity I have never been to before. Preparing for something you have never done can be thrilling as well as nerve racking. As the time was drawing near I felt a growing burden to cover this in prayer, not even know what would happen. I did spend a few mornings in prayer asking God to provide me with wisdom and discernment and the others involved with what He knew that they needed. God was good (as usual) and we met with him at the event. I believe that a young man began his crisis of faith, but knowing that he is not alone and that there are those who would push him to own his own faith; not ours, not his parents, not his friends, but his. At the end of the night, after feeling a bit defeated through the process, he emerged with a new sense of life and a few questions to answer. As he and God walk this journey, it will be fun to be a resource to be used.

For me, this was a great time. Preparing for something we know nothing about requires a reliance upon God, we miss that in our society too much. Maybe we are too well informed and because of that we "figure it out" instead of "praying it out". May I pray it out more often than I figure it out!! May God continue to strip away the wrong thinking and mis-thoughts that I have. May I become a prepared ad sturdy tool in His hands!!

Amen

My mind won't stop!!

So I'm back from ministry conference and I have these thoughts that are flying around in my brain. They don't stop they just move and wonder and annoy (in a good way). I know that life has to be different now, it can't go back to being the same, but what does that look like? What does it feel like? And am I okay with that?

I know distinctly that the prayer and the cry of my heart was and continues to be "Break me and remake me!!" I am coming to find that breaking is not as fun as it sounds (and it doesn't sound that fun), yet I find joy abounding in my life through this. I feel like I am on a spiritual roller coaster, up one minute and down the next. As God confronts me on issues, I am down and want to avoid as usual... but as I confront these and converse with God I am lifted up to amazing heights. So this is how my days are going, little high... little low... and so on. Not a bad ride all together.

I was thinking this morning that I began working on a book a few years ago, but got frustrated as it seemed to end as it was getting started. I believe that I am finally allowing God to work in my life in a way that will add the next set of chapters to my book. This excites me, that God is stirring something inside of me (may the flames continue to be fanned)!!

I think back to my soccer days and know that the coaches that I appreciate are the one who rode me the hardest, pushed me the most, and never accepted anything but my best. They were tools that drove my worship of soccer. Today I have men in my life who ride me, push me, and never accept anything but my best in my spiritual life, and I am grateful for them. I do not seek "yes" men, I seek those who would tell me the truth no matter the pain. I remind my self that if i would endure "torture" for soccers' sake, how much more will I endure for my living redeemer!!!

May He BREAK ME and all my sinfulness and may He REMAKE ME into who He wants me to be. May I walk on in courage and faith, not wavering to the left or the right. May I run with endurance teh race set out for me and may I never forget where my power and strength come from... AMEN!!!!

Worship?!?!

So what is worship and why do we get so hung up on it? Just last week I heard a couple ladies that were discussing how horrible it is that their church was singing so many "chorus'". I find this interesting since the young people ask me why it is that we sing so many "old" hymns. So which is it that is best???

I believe that the correct answer, is a very easy one. Worship has nothing to music and everything to do with words, and spirit!!

In the context of a sunday morning the important question is: who is it about? Are we singing something that someone of the street could join in with? When we sing old hymns, it never fails that I have 1 or 2 people who will come and ask me "what does the word ___ mean?". If people must ask what the words mean, how are they to enter into worship?

I believe that most people who want hymns, are not, often, people who are really excited and willing to reach the lost. They don't mind people coming to God as long as they look, talk, act, and think like them.

So where are you in this? Where am I? More importantly where is God????

Hungry

Hungry I come to You, for I know You satisfy... We know the words, we've said them before. How often do we actually mean them?

I was reminded that this is something that, though the church seems to lack at times the world often does not!

The world is in a constant process of seeking God, how is it that we are taking advantage of these oppotunities? The apostle Paul studied the culture of those who he desired to minister to and used their culture to bring about God.

We stink at this!! I stink at this!! I must engage a culture that is seeking God in a relavant way! We must find a way to go to them, we rather most often sit back and hope that they come to us.

A new way, a new look, and an old method is required if we are to reach the lost in this world who seek a reason to live!

The invisible wounded

We all know who they are, don't we... The people in our lives that are hurting whether they show it or not. But then again, maybe we don't know who they are. There are those who seem to be okay, but the more we get to know them we find that there are some deep hurts and/or habits that they deal with daily.

Seems that we live in a culture, both church and secular that promotes the whole "just push through it" mentality. We seem so content to leave relationships at surface level and not get into the messiness of really living our lives together. I have to admit that it is easier to live a surface level life, but not near as rewarding. I meet seemingly normal people all the time, as we build friendship and vulnerability I find that the only thing "normal" about them is that we all hurt at some level in some way.

When was it that we started believing that Christians need to have it all together? When was it that it was a bad thing for churches to be filled with hypocrites, liars, sexaholics, alcoholics, workaholics, smokers, cussers, messed up people? A wise man once said that he came for the sick, not the healthy. So why doesn't the church embrace the sick? Why are we looking for people that are well to come and be among us? ...?????? Maybe because we are not a hospital anymore, we are a day spa. Come in , let us pamper you and massage your ego, then send you on out. Nothing changed, except you feel a bit better about yourself than you did. That will last a few days and then you need to go back in.

Not only are we not being a hospital for the sick, we are not helping the people in the day spa. Why do they need to come back every 3 days to have the same treatment??? Because they have an issue that they just want to have relived, not cured. Curing takes more pain, more effort, and more vulnerability; and we just don't "need" that.

I find that our student ministry is filled with hurting kids. We don't have a special formula, we have adults who are ok with kids not being ok. We don't get weird on them if they tell us they are cutting, drinking, doing drugs, having sex, lying, stealing, ... We want to walk through it with them. I believe that makes all the difference, being willing to work through the junk of life with them. It's not always fun, and there are definitely days i wonder why... but then i find out that a student who hated male contact is getting married and is happy and i love with a great guy, it's worth it. And when a student that struggled the whole time they were in the ministry calls me 2 years out out and says "I knew I could call you... what should I do?" it's worth it; and then there are a few that I am waiting on. To me there is no greater compliment than the 2am call when they say "I knew I could call you" or "I didn't know who else to call".

Students may be in and out of the ministry, as long as they always feel safe to come back, I am content to let the Lord work in their life. The tries to hard to fix people. We have this amazing pressure to get them saved and get them "perfect". I would much rather live my life with imperfect believers who are real about their daily struggles and their pains. I have little patience for the "perfect" "I don't have any problems" people.

God give us REAL people in REAL churches in REAL relationships, REALLY!!!! No more pretending, no more laws to live under, no more "church appropriate behavior"!!

Bring me your sick, lonely, depressed, hurting, forgotten and I will love them. God help me!!

And then, we carry on...

Sorry it's been a while since I last posted, life has been a bit crazy. A few weeks ago we found out that my mother has cancer, my sister in-law had an emergency appendectomy, and I have had another couple big personal issues come up. It has seemed that this it too big for me. I mean, why is all of this happening now, at the same time.

As I was driving to my mom's surgery I was a bit stressed out about that and another personal issue, both were weighing heavy on my heart. I turned the radio on, and met with God. It was one of those time you hope will happen everyday. In my broken and desperate state God met with me, right there in my car. Each song that came over the radio for that hour long drive seemed to speak right to my condition. I cried, I vented, I communed with God. When I arrived at the hospital the procedure was taking place at I was much more at peace and knew that whether God's plan matched mine or not He was still God.

God's peace is a wonderful thing, but I screw it up all too often. I have it, then I doubt it, then I don't. I seem to be perpetually falling into a pattern of worrying that God's plan will not match mine, as if I have a good plan...

In my mind I know that God's plan is perfect and that He has the best in mind... in my human heart I wonder if God is going to allow my mother to pass away as He did my grandparents. I lost all my grandparents to cancer by age 13, I do not wish for my kids to go through life with no grandparents. I trust God, but at the same time I find myself worried that His plan and mine will not match and that I am going to have to deal with much more than I want to.

I guess I'm tired of the standard church answers. They are true, but they often remove the struggle from the equation. We tell people struggling to just trust God and to preserver, that God has it under control. All true, but does that remove their valid mourning? Does it make people feel guilty if they question God, are mad at God...?

I recently had a student who wanted to meet with me (they have been having quite a few issues recovering from a surgery). When we met, she told me that she had just met with the doc and he told her that she will never be able to play basketball again (her sport). In fact there are only two sports she would be able to play, needless to say she was devastated. As I sat there I heard her saying all the right things "God has this under control, I trust Him" "He must have something better in store for me" . I asked, "so how are you really doing?" she broke down. We speak truth, but we leave out the struggle of the Christian life. We speak in roses and leave out the fertilizer.

I found myself needing to be an encourager of real emotions as I met with this girl. she didn't need me to fill her with flowery sayings, she needed a place she could be mad at God, scared about her future, frustrate that she can't do what she loves, and scared to tell her dad because she felt like she was letting him down. So there we sat, we cried together, I listened as she struggled through it and at the end we agreed that it was gong to be tough, but at the foundation of it all was God so it would be good.

I don't want to live in denial of my struggles and doubts, my anger and frustration. I believe that that is what builds us into who we are to be. I don't want to be okay with the fact that my mom has cancer, I'm not. God and I talk about that daily. It doesn't change the fact that I totally and completely trust him though. I trust a lot of people that i get frustrated with or mad at. God's is big enough to handle the emotions that He gave me. It will be through His power that I will make it through this and will be a newer, more complete person because of it.

So I guess my bottom line is that life happens, God reigns, and I don't have to like what happens. I'm learning it's ok to not be ok with what is going on. Life happens and then, we carry on...

There and Back Again Pt. 2

And then there was silence

I am a city boy, I love being around the hustle and quick pace of the city, I enjoy being a couple minutes from fast food and convenient shopping… but I forgot how much I also love the silence of camping. We arrived in Klamath, Ca around 10 am on Friday morning, what a beautiful if not car sick drive. We were pleased to be there for many reason, the biggest was that Stacy and Libby would not have to be car sick for a while now. Our camping site was in the middle of the redwood forest and we even had some beautiful redwoods right in our campsite!!

It was a lovely, restful, relaxing place where my cell phone (a constant friend in the city) was of no use, except to check my task list and my calendar which suddenly seemed to not matter.

It is amazing how just slowing down and enjoying God’s creation can restore your soul. I found myself enjoying not having a task list and an agenda. I also found peace in the fact that my cell phone had no coverage and there was no way to be reached by it. It was tough at first, but I after a while I even stopped carrying it. That was a weird feeling, but a nice one. Out camp site came with some unique neighbors, we had a couple chipmunks who were quick to clean-up any scraps that fell to the ground and we had a silver fox come and check on us one night (this was Ivans favorite part of camping, he told me last night)

The kids were great helps at getting the campsite
up and running! They each helped in setting up the tent and in unpacking the van. Ivan thought that setting the tent up was a wonderfully fun activity, and was eager to be involved however he could.

After getting our camp site set up, we were all starving and decided to head to town for fish and chips at a place that the local said was awesome, it was!! I ate way too many fish and chips and Libby decided that that was very good. They served us fresh beer batter Alaskan cod.

It was delicious!! I would have eaten there everyday, but we had brought our own food to cook, so once was fine.

After we ate we saw that there was a lighthouse there in town, so we decided to go and take a look at it and explore the coast a bit. We never made it in the lighthouse as we were all distracted by the sea life found in the rocks on the shore.

It was a wonderful adventure. We rescued a starfish (see above) that had washed ashore and we saw sea urchins as well as chasing a few hermit crabs. We were turning over rocks looking for cool stuff when we first found a hermit crab. Ivan thought it looked cool and picked it up… when it moved he jumped and dropped it. Then he was on the prowl in search of more of “those things”. We spent close to an hour on that rocky shore before heading up to the lighthouse. It was closed by the time we got there, but the view from that cliff was awesome.

We headed back to camp and made a fire to cook our cherry pies in, they were good but we forgot the powdered sugar and so they were not great.

Tired as we were we decided to head to bed and get some rest in something that was not moving… some of us slept great…

Tomorrow is another day...

There and Back Again Pt. 1

A journey through time past

We left Derby, Ks on Wednesday night around 8:30pm. We drove through the night and stopped the next day in Ogden, Ut at the Dinosaur Museum. At this point in the trip we were half way to the redwood forest in California.

We stopped for a picnic and to explore the park. It was a wonderful time with the family of walking laughing and playing together. I realized that we don’t do this enough!! We explored the park and the dinosaurs they had placed through out it and Libby and Ivan were quick to point out the ones that they liked.

It was a nice break from riding in the van for 14 hours. We played there for about 3 hours and then decided it was time to continue our mission. The kids had adequately ran and played and the parents had stretched out and felt that they could travel for another 14 hours. We had survived the dinosaur park and were ready to move on in our trip.

Our trip took us next to an undiscovered part of our nation (for us). Usually at Ogden we would have headed north to Idaho and then west to Oregon, but not this time. The GPS tracking and guidance on my phone came in handy as we charted this new course in an un adventured land. We continued west towards Nevada and then to California, where we would camp for two nights and explore the giant trees…

And then it was there... A glimpse!

Sometimes we know that what God says is true, we aren't sure what it looks like but we know it's true. Then there are times that we see God at work in our lives through other people. You know those times when God reveals Himself through the actions of others and we are astounded that it would happen that way.

Thursday afternoon I was home by myself, working on my laptop. As I was sitting and working, my brain turning to mush, I thought that there must be something I can do to take a break. I saw a cord that was not tucked behind the tv center and thought that Stacy would appreciate me moving that back out of sight. I moved the cord and as I stood up, the back of my head hit the tea cup shelf. As Stacy's grandmothers tea cups and saucers begin to rain down on me, my heart sinks and I try to catch what I can.

I managed to catch 5 out of 9 tea cups and 7 out of 9 saucers. I sat on the floor devistated, knowing how important those have been to my wife. Wishing there was an undo button for life... Long story shorter... When I told Stacy what had happened, she handled it with grace and mercy. I almost didn't know what to do. I just stood there saying how sorry I was, and she said "stop! I know you are sorry. They are just things.".

It was at that moment that I got a glimpse at the amazing grace and mercy of God. There is no reason I should have been let off the hook that easily. I deserved to have her be upset at my lack of awareness. Yet she saw that I was far more valuable than the tea cups she has treasured. That afternoon, my wife once again showed me a glimpse of my loving creator. What a blessing!!

In that moment...

So Wednesdays are my killer days. I begin the day about 7am getting around and heading to the office to be there no later than 8 (that's my aim). Most days I don't come home for lunch and go straight through our student ministry before coming home around 9pm and tucking the kids in. A full day, and there are times that I find myself hoping that everyone's parents show up on time so I can just get home, but then there are those moments where they don't and I'm amazingly blessed by conversations that draw me and a student into the presence of God.

It's not that i am a great person or student minister, because most nights I am ready to check out and just head home. But... in that moment when the lights are on and the student says "so what does it mean when the Bible says..." I remember why it is that I do this!! Not because I can run a great program, or give a good lesson. I do this because there were people in my teen years who invested in me and thought I was worth some extra time. So in that moment I choose to be in that moment, if that makes any sense. I choose to not just stand there and nod, but to be present, involved, engaged. As I write this I think "that's not rocket science and not tough" but there are times that it is.

In that moment the truth of my commitment comes out. Will I invest in the kingdom of God, or will I invest in the kingdom of me? It's not that I don't want to be home with my family, it's that i have students who don't have a family other than our student ministry. We need to be there to do life with them, to let them know they are worth our time even when we are spent and tired.

In those moments, I am refreshed spiritually. There is something about the seeking soul that encourages me, and makes me think that maybe the did hear something after all.

Lord may I always choose to be in that moment...

Hold on?

What is it that makes some people able to say "That's it, it's time for me to go."? I mean I know where I'm going, but I'm not okay with going there now! It makes me wonder if you see the world a little different when you reach the end of your life. Is there a sudden clarity? Do you suddenly see that your loved ones would be better off if they could just move on?

Does it bring more comfort to the family if the person is ready to go? Is that somehow easier to deal with?

I know that the sting of death is gone, but is it? Why do I still stress about what would happen if I died? Why do I wonder if I would be able to to tell my family that I am ready to go? Some would say it's because I don't have real peace with God, but they'd be wrong. I think it's because I feel I have so much to live for. A beautiful family and church body. I don't want to miss my kid's first's. I want to be there for Libby's first broken heart, for her graduation, to walk her down the isle to her prince! I want to be at Ivan's games, watch him grow into a man and to start a family of his own! Guess I'm just not ready to die, that's probably okay.

Lord, direct, guide, and bless our lives. May we seek You and honor You with our lives.

Tough Questions

So, when is the best time to ask someone the tough questions in their life? How is it we know that the "time is right"? When the moment of truth comes and we are confronted with the reality of either talking to them about this issue that must be dealt with or leaving it alone an trying to pretend it isn't there; what is it that we so? How do we do it? Another great question. Do I hit them head on or do I circle around looking for a soft spot to work my way through?

I will, most of the time, deal with the issue but will circle around. Is this the right way?? I would say very strongly... "NO". This is just one way. I think that most often we feel like the way we want to say things/deal with conflict is the right way. When in fact the right way is more likely to be the way each individual handles the situation adding in the wisdom of God. An ingredient left out all too often in confrontation. We simple go the way that we are most comfortable with and kind of hope that God will bless that. The problem is that when we leave God out, we often don't handle things in the way that most honors Him. We handle it in the way that most honors us. That is never a good thing! When we honor ourselves in tough issues we often do more harm than good.

I firmly believe that God guides and directs us in these times. There have been a few times when I have found myself being much more firm and to the point than I would normally be and that i attribute to God (because it went well), there are other times i was not as bold and it did not go well (because I was not obedient). Tough situations are tough, no matter how you deal with them but they are much easier to deal with when you are following the guidance and leading of our Lord Jesus Christ. Not that I have attained this perfectly, but this is what I aim for (to paraphrase Paul).

Lord may You be our wisdom and guidance in the tough situations we experience. May you turn us into the people you desire us to be, have your way with us!!

A beautifulday

Praise the Lord for the beauty of today and the glorious creation around us!!

A question of Faith...

So when will it be that I will not question my faith? I wouldn't call it a crisis of faith, but yet there are those lingering questions that have not found a satisfactory answer as of yet. Those shadows that lurk on the skirts of my faith that at times make we wonder why I believe what I believe.

At the same time, it seems that often these questions drive to try to find answers. To find the answers I must dive deeper into God to find what it is that He says about it. Maybe that's what it's all about, the questions that drive me to find answers which in turn drives me to seek my God and learn more about Him. I desperately want to complete, finished with this growing and learning! I don't like being incomplete, I don't like making mistakes and I don't like the pain involved with growing.

Bottom line... the big question for me... Do I really believe that God is big enough to answer my questions? Yes I do. Do I take the time to listen to Him? Not as much and as often as I should. Guess I'm the student who want to pass without studying!! And that stinks, because I don't like those people. I don't want to be the person who expects it to just be given to him!!